“Hey, Rico! You want dis card or not? Eh?

I’m a-tellin’ you, dis card is da best card for shoppin’, dinin’, laser tag, etc., and dat card you gots right der, you can just trow it away.”

 “Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever.” ~ Walt Disney

Thoughts, Tuesday, November 29th, 2022

*Did anyone get 3 down on today’s Crossword Club puzzle?

Part I Summary: Going to the doctor…

Everyone says, just go. Just go. Just go, Kim. It can’t kill you. I says… Yes, it can.

Part 2 Summary: Once upon a time, I went to a dentist in Chicago.

Later that week, someone died in the same chair with the same doctor, so I never had to go back to the dentist ever again.

Part 3 Begins now…

OB/GYN. I finally made an appt – convenient, upstairs. I’m on the 34th floor, and the appt was on the 36th floor, two floors up.

That’s the worst reason to choose an OB/GYN, by the way – location. 

So, I’m at my appt…

Which is very rare, because it’s almost impossible for me to schedule these things. If I call, I vacillate on the time and date staying as uncommitted as possible for as long as possible and making it as awkward as possible. 

Me… “April 23rd at 2:30 pm, please. Oh, he is available? I meant 7 am.”

Them… (deep breathing) “Can I put you on hold?”

I asked for a sign beforehand – if I’m put on hold then it’s not meant to be.  

When/if an appointment does get scheduled, again – rare – then I usually cancel it. I cancel it in my mind starting immediately after making the appointment. This goes on until I actually call and cancel it verbally and officially.

For those very few times I actually do make it into the doctor’s office, I’m still thinking about how I can get out of the appointment… as I’m walking into the building, up to the receptionist, sitting in the chair, robe on, mouth open, laying down, instruments entering, whatever it is, I’m still thinking, I should probably reschedule this now.

So anyway… OB/GYN: I’m at the appointment, in my straps, thinking about calling the receptionist in to reschedule, and in walks a man. An attractive OB/GYN man. I’m just laying there… as vulnerable as can be while he’s got enough clothing on for the both of us – along with pen and paper to make sure this moment is documented.

There’s nothing more demoralizing than this scenario. My clothes are 10 feet away, sliding off the chair trying to escape without me.  I’m alone, laying on a freezing cold metal table, naked, covered with a big paper towel, freaking out while we make small talk. “Yeah, I like grapes.”

By the way, I don’t buy it that doctors see patients as just numbers – as another patient and another chart, nothing personal. Please.  I’m an exposed lady on a table ‘covered’ with thin flowing paper that’s scratchy, noisy, and – again – flowing, in the office air-vent wind – and that’s before it gets weird. OK, sure, sure – maybe they do see us as numbers, from time to time – but it’s never the other way around, not for people like me. It’s never like, “Doctor number 2, check out my buttcrack. Thanks, number 2.”

Oddly, before my appointment, I’d never seen this guy before in my life.  Thereafter, I spotted him left and right – he was never out of sight.  The universe arranged for us to take the same elevator schedule from then on. It’s like when you learn a new word and then you see that word everywhere – only my new word was a person who saw me naked and rode in my elevator every day and sometimes it was just the two of us.  Keep in mind, 34 floors… 34, in an old elevator that skipped stops, paused for no reason and took a solid 5-10 min break – midway – every freakin’ time I was running late. Or when I was riding along with someone who previously saw me naked.

Stay tuned next week for more – a slight insight into my dermatologist appointments.  Nothin’ like being scrutinized from head to toe in silence… on their end.

見ぬが花 (Minu ga hana)
Not seeing is a flower.
Loosely translated into an English equivalent, this saying could also be construed as “Reality is never as good as your imagination.” The point is that oftentimes, what we can conjure up in our minds is better than what we actually face in the real world.


* Mural photos by Brad Cokelet. 🙏

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