Things I’ve Learned…

Sort of... (DRIVING - Part II) “Yes, officer, I did see the speed limit sign. I just didn’t see you.” ~ Unknown Tuesday, February 21st, 2023 How To Not Get Asked To Drive ~ Ever ~ (Part 1) Part II... As I Was Speeding ... With his coffee cup in his hands... my dad escorts... Continue Reading →

Things I’ve Learned…

Sort of... (DRIVING - Part I) “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.” ~ Tommy Cooper Thoughts, Tuesday, February 14th, 2023 How To Not Get Asked To Drive ~ Ever ~ “Kim, Wake up!” I peel my head from the... Continue Reading →


The great egret of my life, you ask? Not knowin' I was a swan the whole time, I suppose. For some reason, my pure-white plumage, long flexible neck, and every time I passed by a full-length mirror, I was thinkin' I was just a common egret. Well, I ain't no relative of a heron, I... Continue Reading →


Oi! Why is thee window sill o wet? I see you and your ankles, not just your outline behind thee whisper-white curtains. (walking away) I should have pretended I didn't see 'em. Oi. I should have paid more attention to 'em when he were younger. I blame me-self. "If you don't have any shadows, you're... Continue Reading →


A loan? Sure. I'll grant you this advance. Just one solitary request, you give me your arms. The strap-ons... "What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be." ~ Ellen Burstyn Thoughts, Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023 ~ Strap-on Muscular Arms (Infomercial) For women and men: a self-protection device to deter predators.... Continue Reading →


Seven tea flavors for your birthday cake, dad! We thought you'd love a peppermint, fennel, dandelion, hibiscus, rooibos, earl grey, and orange peel desert to celebrate turning 70. Yay! What a festive month this is, the holidays, sure, and you turning 70 and celebrating your 50th anniversary with mom. I guess you got married when... Continue Reading →


His ex stink'd. In all fairness, she is a fishmonger. She sells fishtails and smells like farts from whales. It's not that bad if your sense of smell is dead and gone forever. “As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I... Continue Reading →


There he is! What's that? Oh, it's just something he does, hiding from me fortnightly. Yep... every two weeks he's blending in with the furniture, camouflaging himself out back or masked inside somewhere he ought not to be. Why? It's his idea, thinking it will bring us closer together. Do I enjoy it? Nope, on... Continue Reading →


Malt it, dude! There are a large number of us out here, man, and we all want malted shakes! Ok? What do you mean this isn't a Malt Shop? What do you mean this isn't 1950? What do you mean this is a proctologist's office? So... no malt? “An opening line should invite the reader... Continue Reading →


Stall, wart, grow no more! Thine eyes, no wait, my eyes! And to that hardworking hair growing out of you, wart, I curse every bit of it! You've been burned time and again - reliable as ever you return. Do not expand, invade, or grow offspring. Just stall, wart, stall! Thank you, thank you. Ode... Continue Reading →

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