Comedy, Soul, Surf, Photography, Life in Running
Friday, June 2nd, 2023 “Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” ~ Marcus Aurelius Dang it! DoorDash delivery. Spiderman got here fast.. but my food is sticky!! Where Are They Now? Flick from A Bug's Life just signed a commercial contract with Lipitor, and he's recently back... Continue Reading →
Try el. It's the same as 'the' in Spanish. El actor está en juicio. Translates to - The actor is on trial. I first thought it meant an ill actor went on a juice cleanse - but it's more about him/her and legal proceedings. Not at all how it sounds - can't go based on... Continue Reading →
Friday, May 26th, 2023 Happy Memorial Day Weekend! “You are not a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean in a drop.” ~ Rumi ... ...Check for a pulse. Lesson #1 in - How to Win Friends, Influence People, & Stink Up Your Apartment by Dale Carnegie. Jos. A. Bank Zoom Collection. Reenactment... Continue Reading →
huh-rang he-rang "Girl... he rang?" "Yes." "Did he rant?" "Yes!" "I'd like to make a toast! Does anyone have any bread? A toaster?" ~ Kim Considine Thoughts, Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023 *My Dad - far right - in a wedding. *Me - second from right - in a wedding. Sunglasses... What did they do before... Continue Reading →
Friday, May 19th, 2023 "As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it." ~ Andy Warhol Elizabeth Nourse's reaction after being told Bob Ross is credited for painting "happy little" things and not her. Reflecting upon his day of performing CPR and rescuing yet another duck... Steve, in the background, forgot his hat and... Continue Reading →
Friday, May 12th, 2023 “Once you believe that you can do something, there is not a single person in the universe who can convince you otherwise.” ~ Germany Kent Jim's nose... is almost as interesting... ...as his toes. I'm done tutoring....Yep. You took this picture of the back of your hand, Grandpa. My paperboy has... Continue Reading →
Friday, May Cinco, 2023 "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell Sylvia cleanses the neighborhood with green leaves and white sage in wait for the Flower Full Moon this evening. "It's a tremendous welcome compared to her former Ancient Egyptian Leaping & Yelping Dancing Ceremonies that lasted all through... Continue Reading →
Friday, April 28th, 2023 "Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas." ~ Paula Poundstone "It wasn't me!" "I'd never use your toothbrush, honest!" "Not for me teeth..." Shelley just found out she has to work this Saturday... The rabbit? The rabbit's off... Continue Reading →
Sort of... (I Don't Mind Mopping the Floor.) “Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, and stop caring about what others think.” ~ Roy T. Bennett Tuesday, April 25th, 2023 I Really Don't Mind Mopping the Floor. P.S. Grab Your Grippie Socks. "What? Oh, man!" "Come here, Kim. This is the floor cleaner. This... Continue Reading →
Friday, April 21st, 2023 “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie "Oh my gosh!" I yelled as I ran to the fallen, burning bird. Which was also a sock. I didn't ask... Continue Reading →
Friday, April 7th, 2023 "The lesson of Good Friday is to never lose hope - or at least give it 48 hours." ~ Robert Breault "How's it going over there?" "Same as five minutes ago." "Did I ever tell you about how I got this gig?" "I don't want to be rude, but I'm actually... Continue Reading →
Sort of... (Fingernail Polish Can Fix A Car) “I didn’t do it. Hey, you want to go do something?” ~ Kim Considine Tuesday, April 4th, 2023 Fingernail Polish Can Fix A Car & Pebbles and Stones May Mend a Fence Boom! We dropped to the floor... It was really late. We had just pulled up... Continue Reading →
Friday, March 31st, 2023 “Spring is the time of the year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade.” ~ Charles Dickens Monday... Tuesday... (Tulip was last spotted burning his clothes in a dumpster on the corner of E. 36th & Lex Ave.) "What?" "What did you just say?" "I thaid,... Continue Reading →
Sort of... (Never Color My Hair To Cure Boredom) "I got my hair highlighted because I felt that some strands were more important than others." ~ Mitch Hedberg Tuesday, March 28th, 2023 Never - Ever Again - It's happened More Than Once - But I'll Never Again Color My Hair To Cure Boredom I Hope... Continue Reading →
Friday, March 24th, 2023 “The crises of today is the joke of tomorrow.” ~ H.G. Wells The Introduce A Topic Office will reopen at 8am Monday morning. "Over here..." "I was saying, don't even talk to me about your middle child syndrome problems." (Sue later became a well-known psychiatrist and actually loved hearing about others'... Continue Reading →
Sort of... (DRIVING - FINALE) “Thinking about an old car of mine that got stuck in reverse gear. That took me back.” ~ Puns&Oneliners.com Tuesday, March 21st, 2023 How To Not Get Asked To Drive ~ Ever ~ (Part 1, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V) Part VI... Then this happened... A perfectly,... Continue Reading →
Friday, March 17th, 2023 “What do you call a bulletproof Irishman? Rick-O-Shea…” ~ Irish Joke "This is camera 4 speaking. So far nothing." "I read you loud and clear, camera 4, this is camera 2. All is good on my end, over." "Alert! This is camera 7 outback, Mom and dad are approaching through the... Continue Reading →
Sort of... (DRIVING - Part V) "It's not your job to be likable. It's your job to be yourself. Someone will like you anyway." ~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Tuesday, March 14th, 2023 How To Not Get Asked To Drive ~ Ever ~ (Part 1, Part II, Part III, Part IV) Part V... Winter. Midwest... It... Continue Reading →
Friday, March 11th, 2023 "Imagination is the secret and marrow of civilization." ~ Henry Ward Beecher Just a reminder to everyone out there - follow your dreams - no matter what... It may not happen overnight, but it will happen.(recipe above - Turn 12 cookies into 1) "The name's Pond... "...James Dry Pond." (Boom, de... Continue Reading →
Sort of... (DRIVING - Part IV) “If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” ~ Earl Wilson Tuesday, March 7th, 2023 Another satisfied passenger - above. How To Not Get Asked To Drive ~ Ever ~ (Part 1, Part II, Part III) Part IV... A Month Later... I... Continue Reading →
Friday, March 3rd, 2023 "We must believe that we are gifted for something." ~ Marie Curie My houseboat party's tonight.Let me know if you're bringing a plus 1. "Hiya." "Hmmm? Sorry, I don't have any money." "Oh, honey! No, you don't want any of this. I've been burned badly. Ain't nothin' good left in me.... Continue Reading →
Friday, February 24th, 2023 "I never practice. I always play." ~ Wanda Landowska "I just come here to think." "Sometimes I forget, are these my hands or my feet?" "Then I laugh... because I don't know." Let me just run in and pick up my lab results... Jackie Paper was aghast, while Puff the Magic... Continue Reading →
Friday, November 25th, 2022 “Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" ~ Jimmy Fallon "Excuse me, lad, what day is it? It's the day after Thanksgiving?They did it! The Spirits did it all in one long day. I don't know what to do. I'm as... Continue Reading →
Friday, November 18th, 2022 “Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” ~ Kevin James "I'm having the best month of my life! Everyone's feeding me, stuffing me, keeping me free from the dogs... I don't know what's going on, and you know what? I don't want to know. I'm done questioning things.... Continue Reading →
Malt it, dude! There are a large number of us out here, man, and we all want malted shakes! Ok? What do you mean this isn't a Malt Shop? What do you mean this isn't 1950? What do you mean this is a proctologist's office? So... no malt? “An opening line should invite the reader... Continue Reading →
Friday, November 11th, 2022 “Freedom lies in being bold.” ~ Robert Frost Highly evolved, but unable to take selfies... the Avatars decided not to show friends their vacation photos - they'd just describe them instead. "No one ever mentions my dancing." "Irish step dancing was a little challenging, tripped often, but... when I pulled it... Continue Reading →
Friday, November 4th, 2022 “There will be days you don’t think you can run a marathon. There will be a lifetime of knowing you have.” ~ Unknown “I hardly recognize myself after all this training.” “Dang it! I forgot my sunglasses...” “I’ll just be a minute.” Oh, that reminds me, your sister called. Biore strips,... Continue Reading →
Stall, wart, grow no more! Thine eyes, no wait, my eyes! And to that hardworking hair growing out of you, wart, I curse every bit of it! You've been burned time and again - reliable as ever you return. Do not expand, invade, or grow offspring. Just stall, wart, stall! Thank you, thank you. Ode... Continue Reading →
Friday, October 28th, 2022 “On Halloween, parents sent their kids out looking like me.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield Pugsley's birthday party is tonight. Remember, he's vegan now. Come dressed as your favorite superhero... OR DON'T COME AT ALL. But please let us know either way. "Hey, I'll be there." "Don't zoom in too much! I'm not... Continue Reading →
Is your ass warm? Mine is! I've got pockets overflowing with roasted, toasted, chewy chestnuts. (Reaching in...) It’s crowded down there; everything's moving around as I walk. Oh my gosh, where're my manners? Want one? “Do anything, but let it produce joy.” ~ Walt Whitman Thoughts, Tuesday, October 25th, 2022 You have never let me... Continue Reading →
Friday, October 21st, 2022 "How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!" ~ Dad Joke, use with caution "Oh, I make my own toothpaste from scratch. Au natural. My teeth are dangling and falling off, but that's a typical initial reaction." (Feature Film) SPIDERMAN XXIIITHE FINAL METAMORPHOSIS ... "IT'S REALLY ME. ASK... Continue Reading →
Reap, hose, then reap again. It's Fall - reap until you sleep, reap only what you want to keep, and hose away anything gross, especially if it gets too close. Why are you relaxing? Get reapin'! "The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light. If only we’re brave enough to... Continue Reading →
Friday, October 14th, 2022 "People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing." ~ Dale Carnegie Sir Charles, Atlantic Giant, the 1st, is the last known pumpkin to be knighted by the Queen. He's been a real prick ever since. Everyone said it couldn't be done. But I did it. I grew... Continue Reading →
"Snickers' knee?" "Most certainly. You have a textbook case of what we doctors call 'Snickers' knee'. You see, the constant bumping into, bashing about with, and falling onto - your knees - has given them that uneven nutty look. Couple that with suntanning in a bent knee position, which has darkened the outside layers into... Continue Reading →
"October is crisp days and cool nights, a time to curl up around the dancing flames and sink into a good book." ~ John Sinor Friday, October 7th, 2022 It’s a good thing I have my library card because I am totally checking you out. What's a gourd like you doing in a place like... Continue Reading →
The Reverend Chili Cook-Off is about to begin! You've seen them at church, they're a part of your clergy, and now you can taste your eminence's beans and get a whiff of all that essence! It's chili you can respect, but will it honor your large intestines? Let's find out!! “Chili represents your three stages... Continue Reading →
Friday, September 30th, 2022 "I'll pick and pay, but I really want to weed whack.” ~ Kim Considine I can't believe that he shared this with me. Robert loves carbs. Outside his bedroom door. What Robert doesn't know is that we've switched to Keto bread. Yeah, I'd recognize him anywhere. That's definitely him, dead center... Continue Reading →
De ity bity spider crawled up the ... what? It's itsy bitsy? Ok, your highness. Now, follow my fingers, supreme being, follow my fingers up the water spout. De itsy bitsy spider ... “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw Thoughts, Tuesday, September 27th, 2022 ~ Race Bibs... Continue Reading →
Friday, September 23rd, 2022 "Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The Police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down the john. Then the door opened, and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting." ~ Keith Richards From the inside: "Keep poking!!" I made a pact when I opened my place, and to this day, every... Continue Reading →
A shoo! Bless me, oh heavens. I've been deliberately abstaining from yellow raisins because they make me sneeze. But sometimes I tempt fate and a, a... a shoo! Ah. Put me in a sneezing contest, feed me just one yellow raisin, and I'm a shoo-in for winning. “Never underestimate the power of a shoe.” ~... Continue Reading →
Friday, September 16th, 2022 "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." ~ Vincent Van Gogh Am I a good candidate for contacts? I brought my twin brother and Uncle Ron, I hope that's ok. Oh no! Not the red mark!!!... Continue Reading →
What's this... a present, a mint? What the? Intuition tells me Steve put this on my desk. Like he has room to talk - every day when he walks in... whew. He may have applied his roll-on but somewhere between home and office, it rolled off. Wait, maybe I left the mint on my desk... Continue Reading →
Friday, September 9th, 2022 “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald "Hey, have you heard anything from Dunkin'?" Some people accidentally blink in photos. I look the other way. I iron everything all at once. Game changer. Take the Blue Ridge where my mother was shot?... Continue Reading →
Friday, September 2nd, 2022 “Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.” ~ Jack Kerouac I did. And who got us lost on that mountain(top) for over 3 hours, off the grid - no sign of human life? Yes! An... Continue Reading →
Friday, August 19th, 2022 "A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future." ~ Lois Wyse My friend Rick asked me this question the other day. Call Dr. Venkman... we've got one! He just found out he's soon to be gnomeless. He just found out he... Continue Reading →
I'll have an ... a sauge. One sauge, please. Sausage?? No, just regular. That should satisfy. Thank you! "It is wonderful how words generate ideas!" ~ Anne Sullivan (Helen Keller’s teacher) Thoughts, Tuesday, August 16th, 2022 To the person who told me that Nope wasn't scary... 😡 Nope... Did I make it through the whole... Continue Reading →
Friday, August 12th, 2022 "You might be a redneck if… Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy-size bottle of ketchup." ~ Jeff Foxworthy Just wait... Don't shake... yippee! Terry had a little TP, a little TP, a little TP.It followed him to work one day, work one day, work one day...... Continue Reading →
Vey, Kay... Shun! I am shunning you, George! ... Oh, sorry dear, vis your Svedish grandmother calling. Ve're on holiday in Gran Chaco of South America for an extended period of leisure and recreation... primarily for your grandfather, dear. George! Leave the pollyvogs alone! Oh dear, he's yanking on their temporary tails. Gotta split. All... Continue Reading →
Kim Considine 